Being God's Girl

Ever since I was 10 years old I have been God's Girl. I fell in love with Him in those 10 years prior through His teaching and love and examples of lives around me. At 10, was when I decided to be sold out for Him, for my identity to be in Him and to follow Him down any road or path that He called me to. I knew I could trust Him and I made it a point from 10 years old onward to study His Word and share His truth and live my life for Him.

In studying His Word starting so young and deciding to fully follow Him, throughout it I gained so much wisdom through His Word. I didn't have to go though trails to gain the wisdom, His Word gave me His perfect wisdom. 

I spent the rest of the years studying marriages and relationships around me and attended women's bible studies even at the youngest age of 13 where they opened up about their marriages. I don't claim to know everything about marriages, or about God, but I have been blessed to know more than most of my peers throughout my life. I'm not bragging about this, I'm pointing out the truth of being tutors of God at a young age, it really makes a huge difference. When we seek Him and really devote our whole lives to Him, He takes that seriously and He delivers! I've been able to have the blessing of that. I'm very thankful to be able to share that truth in the midst of our current society that says wisdom only comes from experience and trails, it doesn't. It comes from God, and even people with experience and trails still may lack true wisdom. 

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom and the knowledge of the holy One is understanding" Proverbs 9:10

This doesn't make be a better follower of God than any other believer, but if someone is working and making money and someone else isn't working and isn't making money, the person working has something the other person doesn't. We get what we put into things, and that is what I believe God wants to point out here. 

"If you call out for insight and cry aloud for understanding and if you look for it as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure then you will understand the fear of the Lord and find the knowledge of God. For the Lord gives wisdom and from his mouth come knowledge and understanding" Proverbs 2:3-6

So if you were ever doubtful that God actually changes lives and teaches us His ways when we seek Him, let me be that example. 

It may seem crazy to some, and for most of my friends it did at first, but God spoke a lot to me in my teen years about things that I wouldn't fully know the blessing for until I was an adult. Example: when I was 12 I felt led to compose a list of qualities of a man that would be fit for me; my husband. At just 12 years old God wrote out guidelines that would be my hedge of protection and would lead me to my husband. Those qualities are what made my husband stand out from all other men, and yes, my husband has all of them. Sound crazy? it's not, it's God. God can do crazy things when we seek Him, things even beyond our age or understanding.

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding but in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5-6

"Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young but set an sample for the believers in speech in life and love and faith and in purity" 1 Timothy 4:12

There is so much wisdom God poured into me through His Word and through awesome people He placed in my path, wisdom I am now reaping the benefits of. It was beyond my circumstances as a young person, but now as a married woman, as a sister, as a daughter and soon to be as a Mom I am applying the lessons I learned. When talking to older married people they seen so shocked at the wisdom I share, and when they express their awe of my outlook, I have to tell them..."it's actually God He taught me at a young age". 

So no matter where you are in life, no matter what age, there are awesome benefits to seeking the Lord...the best benefit is where we fully follow Him, are sold out for Him and are willing to do anything He tells us to. It takes trusting beyond our own understanding and calling/seeking Him as if for treasure. The benefits will go beyond current curcumstances, and through His teaching and applying it, we can avoid additional hardships, and through the application of His perfect wisdom He uses even the trials for our benefit.

My story is just a small part of His amazing works. 

He does change lives! He does hold up His end when we seek Him! :) 

This is why it is so important

I have seen many articles in response to the recent cases of infidelity and lust causing hurt on marriages. This trend is not new. The sin is certainly not new. And the struggle exists in most men.

I have seen articles bash men for having the struggle, I have seen comments from the LGBT party say that Christians defile marriage, there have been people siding from one to the other, and there have been lots of uproars in social media causing divisions. While sometimes, I believe debating and discussing is a way to know what people really think and believe, in the case of infidelity, I have to say something.

I'm not sure what world people live in thinking a person isn't going to or hasn't struggled with sexual sin. Matthew 5: 27-30 tells us that even if you look at someone to lust after them you have already committed adultery in your heart. No one is exempt from this, unless they are lying. Lust is the natural state of our old flesh, and it always finds a way to rear it's head.

In today's world, almost every young man has or does struggle with sexual sin, idolizing women, pornography, social media temptations, flirting or lust. It is a constant struggle. A man can be doing so good one day and a girl decides to wear revealing clothing and he is reminded of it again. Men are build with a visual drive, and women (mothers) try to treat them like women and tell them they must control themselves for their struggle is WRONG and they need to CHANGE.

The struggle is not wrong.

We have done a disservice to our sons, our men and our husbands. We have told them they need to not be who God created them to be.

When we understand the reason for something, it tends to be more controllable.

Without the visual stimulation a husband wouldn't be turned on by seeing his wife cooking at the stove. Without a sexual drive he wouldn't desire the intimacy only a wife and husband can truly appreciate. Without the struggle of the eyes, a father would not know his daughter shouldn't dress a certain way.

The issue here is not the fact that men are visually stimulated, the issue is that we try to tell them not to be, and then they wonder whats WRONG with them, and beat themselves up for struggling. And the fight becomes harder...until they give in.

This is why it is so important to teach our children and see for ourselves that sex is good. Sex was created by God for a husband and wife to share. Sexual desire is not wrong, it is natural because it's meant for us to desire our spouses. Sex is such a strong bond that from the time most people hit puberty (girls included) they desire it. Just because you may be less "turned on" sexually doesn't mean your child is, just because you never struggled, doesn't mean your child won't. And just because you don't struggle with it, doesn't mean your husband doesn't.

But because the desire is there, until we are married we need to keep it at bay and control it. Knowing it is a desire given by God, but understanding the consequences when we act on it before it's time. Song of Solomon 3:5 tells us to not awaken love until it desires. Our emotions and feelings feed into our sexual desire. If we are throwing around our hearts before we are ready to marry or meet the person God has for us, we are igniting passions we will eventually not be able to control. And for a women, these passions are emotional, and less physical.

To be pure sexually is to know the purpose of sex and sexual desires and emotions and feelings. It knows why God created them, but it also knows that to open it before it's time can be detrimental. Even the slightest trigger can open up a door to passion, one that someone can spend their whole life struggling to control. I personally, know this struggle.

Every Believer has access to purity, because it is a character of God. Purity doesn't say "no" to actions, it says "yes" to God. I never told myself to not desire to be married and have sex, I told myself that "yes" God wants me to keep that in my future marriage. Yes, marriage is the place for sex. Yes, it is good. Yes, God created it for a man and wife to share and to create life through their joining in such an intimate close way.

The moment we start hating ourselves for doing something natural is the moment we have lost. It is natural for a man to desire a women, but that man needs to understand that his desire should be for only one women, his wife. Sex is not wrong. Looking at a woman naked is not wrong...as long as it is his wife. And if a man is struggling with sexual desire, or a past struggle rearing it's head, he needs to talk to his wife about it. The struggle is real. And it is something that can be directed accordingly. Purity lasts all our life, even in marriage. But so does sin. We cannot beat up husbands for struggling with something that is natural. It's something that's shown as soon as you walk out of the house with women wearing revealing clothes and ads everywhere. Men need help, just like Paul did. We need to address the purity, the heart, the direction. If his heart doesn't care for his wife and he has no remorse...that is not just sin, that is a dark heart...and he needs to find Jesus on his own. But if his heart is for his wife and the struggle is there, and he fights it, and is repetitive, who are we to not accept it and help him when we have messed up too.

Infidelity is everywhere, the world calls everyone to make sex and idol and let it control your lives.
It elevates sexual orientation which is a sexual choice. It elevates sex outside of marriage and teen pregnancy which is a sexual choice. Yet it yells at the struggle of a faithful husband struggling to not look at videos and websites readily available. Or telling a guy to not look at a women walking by wearing hardly anything, or to not look at the huge Victoria's Secret store with pictures of women in their underwear. Our culture is ruled by women. They tell men, I'm going to stand here naked...but don't look, and if you do, you're a monster. Where is the talk about women emotionally cheating on their husbands, lusting after other men saying "why don't you be more like Katie's husband!". Women are emotional, so where is the articles about women cheating in their heads and emotions. Where's the articles about women beating down their husbands so far verbally that they force their men to leave.

This is why it is so important to decide to be people of purity. Knowing the struggle is real, knowing the desires will come and having a plan to address them early and set yourself up for success ahead of time rather than asking God for help after you've made your decision. Purity has nothing to hide from God. It reveals our darkest thoughts and moments. If we really desire God's best, we will desire His Word and the directions and helps it gives. He didn't write the Word just for people who struggle, He wrote it for everyone because everyone will struggle at some point.

We need to know sex is beautiful, and that sex is for a husband and wife, we need to know what sexual sin is and what desires are. Then we can be ready for the struggle. Then we need to set goals and rules for finding someone to marry, we must trust God to make it known and seek His will and not our own emotions and desires. Then we must be honest with our spouses and encourage each other to be more holy for the glory of God.

We have to set ourselves up for success. We have to make goals and rules to help us stay the course. If we don't want to struggle with having sex with someone who we aren't married to, we shouldn't have sex before we are married. If we want to remain faithful to our spouse we need to not date so many people. If we want to share intimacy with only our spouse we need to commit to not do physical things before marriage. No matter what rules you make, the struggle will still be there, but your goals and rules will help you stay the course and not get wrapped up in your sexual desire and emotions. Your goals and rules will make it easier to say YES to the right way. But there is no magic switch, there is no perfect potion...no one is without struggle. However, we can set boundaries so that when sin does rear its head in our weak times...that it will be a lot harder to give in.

It's time we encourage the men in our lives instead of telling them what to do. It's time we hold ourselves accountable for our sin and stop pretending like we never struggle.

Choose to believe that sex is beautiful.
Choose to set rules, goals and boundaries.
Choose to be honest.
Choose to let God in before hand.
Choose to seek God's Word for truth.
Choose to be pure.

"All this I have told you so that you won't go astray" John 16:1

The Triangle

My life is no longer one line up to God, my life is a triangle. It connects and grows and moves.

As I respect and honor my husband, I am doing it as unto the Lord.
As I submit to my husband, I am also submitting to God.

 God speaks to my husband about how to lead our family, how to protect and provide....

And as my husband listens to God and protects, provides and leads our family, he becomes the umbrella over me, protecting me from life's storms, as he makes the decisions...

If I try and tell him what to do, or go against him, I would be stepping outside of his umbrella...

A good God-honoring loving husband, needs the support of God-fearing gentle encouraging wife who respects him.

Whether or not people believe this or live it out themselves does not change the fact that it is true and how God intended it to work at it's best. There are many marriages that are not right with God. Wives who disrespect and dishonor their husbands, husbands who are cold and unloving...but their failure in seeing God's design does not change God's design. I have made the decision to be a submissive, respectful wife to my husband, because I know as I do that I am doing it unto the Lord. The way I treat him, shows my true heart towards God's love and grace. Even if I disagree with my husband I can pray for God to speak to him.

As I pray for my husband, he can then be encouragemed to seek God....

And as God speaks to my husband...I can be the one blessed by his obedience...

This is just one part of the beautiful creation of marriage.

Some truth about: being a single young woman

When I was 5 years old, I told everyone I wanted to be a Mommy when I grew up. When I became a teenager, I told everyone my goal career was to be a wife and mother. I wanted to stay at home with my children, home school them and care of my home and husband. Throughout my upbringing my parents never pushed this on me, it was something I wanted on my own. As a child this goal is sweet and wonderful, as a teenager people didn't understand why I would want to stay home with my children and not work for someone else making money. As an adult, most people don't get it. Now that I am married, I feel the need to address one of the hardest times I faced.

In our society women are taught to be independent. Not in the way of educating themselves so they can be better people, but rather in the way of proving something to men and to the world, that "we don't need them". This philosophy is new, since the feminist movement, and it is not biblical. Women have been pulling away from their children and husbands for years saying they need to be their own person. This also, is not biblical.

The Bible teaches us that women are to honor and obey God and to fear Him. This is their way of devotion and obedience to God.

Paul talks about in 1 Corinthians 7:34-35 (chapter 7 as a whole talks about marriage) that an unmarried women is concerned about the affairs of God, but if she marries she does not sin. He talks about that if someone decides to marry, they are then devoted to that person.

When having a desire to be married and have a family and being a young adult collide, the result a lot of times can feel like brokenness. The world mocks the biblical family, and the position of a God-fearing wife. Society tells women to have careers and don't wait for men. Our world has been degrading men and you can see it in movies and tv shows. Luckily, there are Godly men still out there who are students of God's Word and desire a biblical marriage as well. Most men are brainwashed by the world philosophy that they can't protect or take care of women, and you can see it when a wife tells her husband hes stupid and you can see the husband cower to her rule and no longer fight for anything.

With all of this going on in today's world, it is hard to be a single young woman who has a god given desire to be married and have children, specially when age is increasing. A lot of times these women isolate themselves to church groups, or a younger crowd in hopes of not facing the world. But, it is almost impossible for a human man, who probably has a nice personality, to find a girl hiding in a crowd like that.

I learned ways to gain wonderful friendships with men and women by opening my circle of friends to all ages of people and often made it a point to step into the world, because I knew God could accomplish at least 2 things He wouldn't be able to accomplish with me sitting at home all the time. 1) I could be an encouragement to others 2) I could meet more godly men so that I knew what the false ones looked like. I made friendships with many godly men who some I still consider like brothers to me. In opening up my circle of friends and stepping out of my comfort zone I no longer just wanted to get married and have children...God opened up my eyes to a greater need, and that was to love people. The more new people I met, the more I saw how beautiful they were and how much God loved them. I decided that I wouldn't be looking for a husband or "waiting for him to finally find me", I decided to fall in love with the family of God, and learn how to really truly just love people.

Without that experience, I may not have learned how to truly love my husband and see him as a man of God and my brother in Christ. For too long my only focus was getting married, but I had a lot more lessons to learn before I was really ready to actually physically SEE who my husband was, get to know him and love him. And those were lesson I couldn't learn in my room, or with younger people, or just at church on Sunday. I had to step out in order to be ready to step into marriage.

That being said, I still guarded myself. I didn't run into the world and go crazy. I still stayed with people who were Christians, and I still didn't go on dates with guys. Making friends has nothing to do with dating. And if you grow a really wonderful friendship, you find out a lot more about the person without ever having to be exclusive. I also didn't push myself into a job. I figured out how much money I needed to make and looked into jobs where I could gain skills and knowledge that would help me be a wife and mother.

Titus 2 teaches us about older women teaching younger women. I surrounded myself with counsel from older christian women, and not just my Mom's friends, though most of them were my Moms' age or older. I didn't want to hear about raising babies, I wanted to hear the 20-30 years married woman tell me about the trials and what got her through. And I realized in all my counseling that they all sought God personally so they could be better wives to their husbands. I knew, that the best way I could serve my husband was to pursue God with a passion in my personal life.

1 Thessalonians 4:11-12 tells us that we should be focused on making sure our lives are in order so that those who look at us, hear us or are friends with us will respect us. If we are focusing on what we don't have, acting like married people are annoying (I've been there) or taking our frustrations out on people just because we are not married yet, how does that win their respect? How does that focus us on our relationship with God? It doesn't.

If we do desire what God has for us, we need to look at what He has for us RIGHT NOW not just in the future. Right now, we all have people in our lives who need us and our encouragement. Right now, we all could better our relationship with Him. Right now, we all could step out of our comfort zone and learn a new lesson. Right now, we all could gain skills and knowledge that will last.

It's hard being a single young woman in this world. It's hard waiting. But God has a plan for each and very step. And each stepping stone helps us with the next one.

The OLD me and the NEW me

As I was flipping through my Bible and meditating on some verses, I went from Old Testament to New Testament and back and forth. As I read scriptures, I began to see something...something I maybe always knew but never really noticed.

The Old Testament is my history, my past, my old self. As Gideon struggled to believe God, I struggle with that too. As David went through ups and downs with his struggle against sin and disbelief and spoke truth to himself, I have had to do the same. As Job faced so many trials but still tried his best to still Trust God and not lose faith even with everyone telling him to curse God, I face that in our world today. The struggle to overcome sin, the struggle between flesh and spirit, the agony. The battle that rages between the old self and new self. The doubts that come. The Old Testament reminds me of my struggle and my old self.

In the New Testament, while it still addresses the struggle between flesh and spirit, there are no excuses! The New testament tells me what I need to do to change, and what I was created to be, and how I can trust God more. It is my goal, my direction and my hope. It teaches me to keep going! Not because I am perfect or without sin, but because Jesus is. The old me no longer has a hold of me because Jesus broke the chains, and now I have a responsibility to follow God's ways.

The Old testament and commandments teach us that we need Jesus, we can't follow God's laws on our own, our flesh is weak. But then it transforms in the New testament where we can now be considered righteous because Jesus paid our debt and He makes us able to follow God through His Holy Spirit dwelling in us. Now, we can follow God's Word.

"Do not think that I have come to abolish the law or the prophets; I have not come to abolish them, I have come to fulfill them." Matthew 5:17

"Do we then, nullify the Law by this faith? Not at all! Rather, we uphold the law" Romans 3:31

"Is the law, therefore, opposed to the promises of God? Absolutely not! For if a law had been given that could impart life, then righteousness would certainly have come by the law. But Scripture has locked up everything under the control of sin, so that what was promised, being given through faith in Jesus Christ, might be given to those who believe." Galatians 3:21-22

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I'd like to take a moment to say that all of God's Word is applicable today, if it were not, He would not have put it in there. Whether we are studying the history of the world and our people or taking in once again the need for Jesus, all of God's Word is for this day and age. Jesus paid for our sins therefore we no longer need rituals to pay for our sins, or sacrifices, but all of the Word still stands. And for me being a Christian and lover of God, I desire to follow the Whole Word of God, not just the chunks that make me feel better. I may stumble in trying to follow it, but it is still my desire, as I believe it should be the desire of every believer.

Marriage Life

Being married carries such a joyous blessing. Being able to share every aspect of life with someone and always knowing they'll be there forever to see you get old and gray, and still love you is a wonderful feeling.

Marriage is a serious thing. It doesn't come easy, and sometimes it's days are filled with more frustration than love. But, marriage is a reflection of Christ and the church, and I can't help but remember how often God had every right to be frustrated with me (even though that isn't in His nature). God's sacrifice to sill love me and have patience with me even when I was treating Him so poorly, reminds me that through God's power and Holy Spirit I can too love my husband through anything. And because I know his heart, he does the same with me too.

You see marriage isn't an end all. It's a beginning. It's an adventure. It pulls you and exposes your wretchedness. It makes you completely bare before another person, exposing your dark secrets, and shining a flashlight in every corner. Sometimes it can be really scary. I'm not going to lie. Especially when your spouse is a Believer, there is an added challenge set in place. Because then, your marriage isn't about feeling good every day and living in la la land until one of you comes back to reality. When you and your spouse are Believers, the vow you took at your wedding was not just some sweet sentiment...it was a binding covenant that holds in this world and in the spiritual one. So if you think you have the world fooled, just realized, the spiritual world isn't so easily deceived. You can't hide from God. And He doesn't take covenants lightly. Otherwise, how could we rest so firmly on the one He made with us through Jesus?

When our darkness is revealed as a single adult, we bring it to the Lord and ask for forgiveness and work on changing and being better. When you're married, you have to do all that, and also do the same thing with your spouse. Because you are no longer one person, you are no longer the only one effected by your sin and darkness...your spouse either is, or will be effected by it. Because if it isn't addressed, satan will use it against your marriage. Marriage is a covenant reflecting Christ and the church and you better believe satan hates it. Just look at the way he has been working for centuries to change the meaning of marriage. If satan isn't attacking you, be ready for him to be attacking your spouse. And you need to decide before that happens, what you're going to do about it.

Infidelity is a huge culprit in divorces today. Spouses are giving up on each other the moment sin is exposed. Forgetting that not one person is without sin. We are not perfect, yet God never breaks His covenant with us no matter how many times we lie, cheat, blaspheme and walk away from Him. Humans are not perfect, we are incapable of doing good on our own. But when people know the Lord and the Holy Spirit resides in them...then, they are capable. But so many people walk away from their marriages. They forget the covenant. A covenant that does not reflect them and their feelings, but it reflects Christ and the church...the same Christ whose Spirit dwells in everyone who Believes. When we have Christ, we can do all things. We can love through anything. We can pray for those who hurt us. We can confess our sins so we leave no room for satan's schemes. We can, because Jesus does.

My faithfulness to my husband has little to do with him and his performance, or how he makes me feel. When I made my vow on that stage the day of my wedding, I said those words to God as I addressed them to my husband. God is the reason I am faithful to my husband. God commands me to pray for my husband, to respect my husband and to love my husband. I don't obey God for my husband, I obey God for me, because I am God's Girl no matter if I am married or single, alone or in a crowd. I am God's Girl forever...even after death. So how can I place one man's sins above my obedience, devotion and love for God? This man I am married to is just as sinful as I am. To expect anything more is insane. I wouldn't want him expecting that of me.

I want to treat my husband how I want to be treated. When I stumble, I want him to help me up. When I sin, I want him to pray for me and push me to the Lord and back into obedience to my first love. When I am in a bad mood and I hurt him, I want him to tell me. I want him to respect me in public and always have my back. I want him to be an ear for me to share my heart with, even when my heart is confused. Who am I to expect things from him if I am unwilling to do the same for him?

God is the only perfect one in this story. And when I set down my pride and surrender to His will, my marriage becomes extraordinary both in this world and the spiritual one.

Spending time with God

There is a Hymn I love to sing called the "Garden" it talks about being with God. Spending time like that with Him and the thought of walking with Him through a garden is my idea of Heaven. To be in His presence just walking along and talking to Him like I always have...only being able to see Him! It makes my spirit want to soar.

Spending time with God for me has developed over the years much like any other relationship. The time I put into it is how strong it ends up being. The more I study His Word without distractions, the more I hear His Word even if there are distractions. The more time I spend praying to Him (sometimes on my knees) the more my heart surrenders to Him and trusts Him. I can be God's Child and go to Heaven just by being saved. But knowing God personally in my soul...deep down to my core...that's icing on the cake! Nothing is as wonderful as those moments with Him. I wish everyone would know what it is like...I wish every believer would let themselves get to that depth with Him. There are so many levels to a relationship with Him it is crazy and blows my mind. Just when I think I'm full of Him...he takes me deeper.

I have spend so many hours crying in His presence...praying for people, praying for myself, asking questions, and just telling Him how I feel. He knows the aching of my heart and has caught every tear I have shed. If you have this kind of relationship with Him I guarentee you are smiling right now because you can remember those times too. The heart remembers times with the Lord, I believe, more than any human times on earth. I remember where I was with each prayer and tear...and I remember what I was praying about. Maybe it's because those moments will be etched in us for eternity where as memories from earth won't matter as much to us in Heaven.

There are not many things needed for prayer to become a part of who you are...it only requires effort. Sometimes God will use the Bible and maybe researching the Word with a concordance or even a commentary to help you to apply His Word and hear Him out.

When I first started praying...I would pray as a little girl about my brothers and how I wanted them to be nice and about boys and how I wanted them to like me HAHA. God used this time to FOCUS me on the path He had for me.
As a teenager, this was my educational time. I was in many Bible Studies a week and sang in choir. I was at church every day, and I am not even kidding. God took that chunk of time to TEACH me.
As and adult, I am learning to apply all I have learned in my teen years. God has been SHOWING me His ways and His truth through my life and circumstances.

I have not been given much of an evangelical spirit...I am relational and I like to connect with people first. Even though my writings are more direct, in person I really just want to have a conversation. Yet, I do hold firmly to what I believe and am convicted of, that is for sure. I have not felt led to go out of country on missions, and that's ok, because my friends go and I hold down the fort here. I have however been called to in community missions and writing. So welcome to my mission field! lol. My goal is to write a book series and speak at events, conferences and retreats. Once again, I am relational...so when I speak, I am not all about information information information (business business business, numbers...is this working??-UnikittyY from The LEGO Movie)...I want to make connections and meet people where they are and inspire new thought.

I have to admit, talking about waiting, purity and God can be challenging. They are hard topics because its where we find ourselves most challenged and in struggle as human beings. Sexuality, Marriage and the existence of God have been all but re-written over the years. I don't think there is one firm definition anymore. And because of this...people can become easily offended and hurt.
As I continue to seek doing these things in the next few years, this issue will become even worse to address. It is the condition of the world. But I am willing to be the trail blazer...to be hated and called names...I'll take it...because this isn't something I came up with. It wasn't my invention. It's God's thing, and He doesn't change, so why should I? God will be the one talking and I'll just be used by Him. And I trust Him to do what needs to be done.

The biggest thing I am having had to learn, is love. What love means for me and my cloud of witnesses and what I am doing with it. This has been a struggle. I have faced so many hard things recently in trying to love, but God has been so faithful to teach me. Because I need to learn this, I believe that is why my goals have not taken flight quite yet. God is still working on me and showing me what to do. And soon He will send me out! The invitations to speak keep coming, but God does what He sees best with them. I am humbled, and I trust Him to take me where He wants me when He knows I am ready.

In this new time of growth, prayer has been essential. I have had to come to Him to check myself and be willing to make changes when needed in myself. It hurts...and it's not easy to be told by God I was wrong....but who He makes me to be in the refining is awesome. I hope I never stop growing.

Recent Media Stories

The current sins in the media (and I am saying sins...not people) and my reactions and struggle with how to express myself have brought me to be grateful for the struggle.

So many times I have found myself hurt yet again by the world. The World elevates sin and selfish desires. We long for someone else to be praised for something wrong so we feel better about doing it too, and we also like pointing out other people's faults so that we feel better about ourselves. This is the condition of the sinful flesh that we were all born with since the garden of Eden.

I have known God all my life and I have been His servant since I was 10, I have studied God's Word for many years. I long to obey His Word and because I found what my heart desires, I long to share it with everyone else. Those who reject Him, break my heart.

But as I look at the posts and the anger of people and the sins of people...I can't help but be even more grateful for God's forgiveness and love.

No matter what sins we commit, no matter what struggles we have...God forgives. And through His forgiveness we can finally obey His Word.

I am so happy I am a child of God. I do not need the approval of the world. I am accountable to the creator of the universe not other human beings.

People who do not know God and do not follow Him are on the road to destruction. And I hate that fact. Satan has hated humans since God created them because God gave us the ability to choose Him and satan hated that. Satan wanted to be God (sound familiar?)...and God casted him down to the depths...and all along satan has been trying to trick and deceive people into choosing his ways over God's. The sad part is, no one will truly realize satan is doing this until they 1) follow God and find it out through God's teaching or 2) die and forever live with satan. It's so sad. Why do people turn their backs on God? Don't they know eternity is so much longer than this life...but the choice you make here...you can't change once you're in eternity.

I remember hearing the story in Genesis of the garden of Eden, I was so angry at satan...he is a bully and not nice. But as I read more of God's Word and broke down it's meaning...I realized how serious this situation was. My heart hurt so bad for years...I couldn't help but tell people they needed to follow God.

Today, as an adult, those same people I told Jesus about and the rest of the world pick and choose God's Word and how to follow it. They're living in sin and blaming everyone else for their troubles. They still don't see it. Eternity could come tomorrow...does that not mean anything?

My heart aches.

But I can't choose for them. The power of free will is wonderful in that I can choose Jesus...but it's such a struggle in that people who don't choose Jesus...don't get Him. People who have blasphemed God and choose their ways over His...won't be in the same place as me for eternity. I don't want them to go somewhere else...but they have free will...it's their choice...God won't make them do it...and He won't change their choice. If they don't choose God...satan get's them. Because it has been satan all along pulling people away from God...they just don't know it yet.

So why am I grateful?

Because free will mixed with Jesus quails eternity in Heaven. Everyone has access to Jesus, everyone has free will...all they need to do is choose Him. That's all. Once you know him you will want to follow his Word. The devil will still try his hardest to bring you back to sinful ways but with Jesus it is possible to fight him. Some people choose not to fight him and continue to think selfishly and not on Gods Word...but it is possible.

A person who has chosen to sin, can still go to heaven when they accept God's forgiveness and go and sin no more.

Every sinful person Jesus talked to left choosing Him and turning from their ways. God loves us so much He won't leave us in sin...He will help us get out of it. That's why it is so difficult to watch people continually sin and be ok with it...because as much as I sin...I don't stay there...I get out as soon as I can because i know what it can do to me...but other people actually choose to stay in sin. And I just don't understand that. Yes, I have struggled and it has not been good for me, but God brought me out. I did not stay in it. How can you know God and continue to sin? I don't get it.

My heart hurt for people...but there is always constantly hope for them...they just have to ask for it. That's why I am grateful...as much bad choices we can make...there are triple more good choice we can make instead. We can change our lives...we have the free will to do that.

From Mandy to You:

If you are living with your partner and sleeping together without being married. Please stop. This is not a judgement thing. It isn't good for you. You are making commitments with your body that your heart refuses to be honest about. You are playing games just because there are no current consequences. But there are much bigger eternal consequences you may be avoiding. Read God's Word, ask Him if He is pleased with your lifestyle choice and search the scripture multiple times to see what He says. (I say multiple times because from experience reading one or two still leaves room for your flesh to think what it wants)

If you are living in an abusive household with a spouse. Get out now! God does not want you staying there right now. He can heal and mend...and He does not want divorce for anyone...but you do not have to stay there right now. Getting out and taking a breather may give both of you time to hear what God needs to say. But remember the commitment you made to God when you married this person...they may be "sick" right now, but trust God to deal with them the way they need to be dealt with...but you should get out of the way for now and search your heart as well...even if it takes them a little while. They may not know what they need until they are alone a little while. Ask God what is best for you and your family. Search the scriptures and pray over your spouse. Pray for your heart to be open to what God wants you to do, and ask God how you can help your spouse. They need prayer too.

If you are in a relationship or friendship that has been hurt. Pray for your heart to be searched and ask for forgiveness if you have said or done something selfish. We all make mistakes and we all need forgiveness. Before you focus on someone's else sin, check yourself and pray over your sins and confess them, that way your heart is humble to hear the heart of the other person. Address each situation and each hurt with a understanding heart and talk over Gods Word and how He advises quarrels be handled. Ask for forgiveness from each other and pray together for God to lead you onward. (Then hug :)

If you are struggling with sin and it constantly rears it head. You have the power over sin as a follower of Jesus Christ. When Jesus hung on the cross I believe He saw every moment of struggle we face...and that's what kept Him going...that through His sacrifice we could make it through. Pray for God to help you stop your sin, but also realize He may not take it away...because facing it and fighting it may be the way you will grow and become stronger. So keep fighting. Keep scripture posted on your walls so that you are reminded of His Word and it becomes one with you. And if God leads you...tell a friend. Ask someone you trust to help keep you accountable...and seek professional help if needed. But whatever you do, always make time for God. Pray continuously until you are physically tired. Keep going. Jesus already paid for your sin, you are not going to hell if you are a child of God...because it's been paid...but through you praying and seeking God with a passion...He will get you through it and lead you to a place where it is behind you. It may try to come back...but the stronger you are and the more you know His Word...the better prepared you'll be and it won't stay as long. Also, remove any temptations from you. Anything that can make you want to sin...remove it and tell your accountability so they can remind you if the opportunity comes up. Make obeying God more important to you than your sin. And you'll see God laying the firm path beneath your feet so you can stand confidently.

Open and Honest

I am in my mid-twenties and while I still have a lot more life to live, lessons to learn, and mistakes to make...God has been my leader and His wisdom has no boundaries.

Growing up there were many people who saw God through me. I don't know why He decided to use me for that purpose, but it happened and I am grateful. Today, I still see His hand moving in the lives of people I get to talk with. It isn't anything I say or do, but what God does through me. I can't take the credit for it because my wisdom fails without His Spirit.

He moves continuously in the lives of those around me. People tell me stories of how my writings reached them when I had nothing to do with it, and I just feel so overwhelmed with humility that God would use me in such a way. When I sit to write I think about all the things God has done for me and the words He has spoken to my heart over and over again all through my life from the time I was a little girl. I don't think about changing anyone or making people remember me, I just want to talk about my God. And He uses that, which is just so cool.

Back when I was a young teen God called me to a very hard mission field. He called me to be different and to stand out. In addition to that He also told me to be loud about it, to tell everyone. This created much spiritual tension between me and my peers and even my siblings. I was very open and honest about my convictions and I told those I loved I disagreed with their lifestyles and choices. As a young person this would be brushed off as immaturity, but what it was for me was the start of a bunch of other adventures God would send me on. One mission as a older teenager was to stand firm on my commitments (not having sex and not kissing) when the guy I was heavily talking to asked to kiss me.

Girls who I tell this story to love it, I think because it's the true representation on standing firm on something. Here's the story: The moon was shining on our faces as we cuddled (his arm around my shoulder) in the back seat of our friends car. We had just gone to McDonalds for a late-night snack and our friend was driving us to drop off the guy I was "with". Anyway...he looked into my eyes and smiled and laughed...and being a girl I said "whhhhat?" and he said "what would you do if I kissed you right now?" my face probably quickly changed from flirting Mandy to serious Mandy as I said "I would slap you in the face!" he then moved his arms from around me and was quiet, I said "you know I am waiting to kiss and I can't believe you would even go there"...at this point I think he realized he would not be feeding his physical appetite with me. After that night, I never heard from him again. (Just FYI: We still don't talk but somehow we are Facebook friends. I pray He is following God's Word and serving Him)

After that night I thought about what had happened and I couldn't remember processing his questions and trying to get courage to tell him no...I couldn't remember because when the questions was asked I believe the Holy Spirit took over. If I had thought about it I probably would have apologized and given him the benefit of the doubt. But because I was so set on what God wanted for me, God was able to step in without me having to think about it. Looking back, that moment still amazes me. That could have been the night I gave away my first kiss. But God protected me. I gave Him full reign to step in whenever needed. I made sure I didn't tell God what to do, or how to handle things...because I follow Him, not the other way around, and because my heart was so open to His will-He stepped in when I really needed it.

It's funny to think about because on my way to meet the friend who was driving us I heard God ask me "where are you going?" I felt like the woman at the well when Jesus asked "where is your husband?"...God knew very well what I was doing. And even though I turned up my music to drown Him out, and even though the woman at the well gave Him excuses...He still saves.
My flesh wanted it's way...but my heart could never lie. My heart and my Spirit wanted God's Best, and being in the relationship with that guy was my failed attempt at trying to get the "best" on my own.

I gave up on attempts at trying to "get the best" and left that up to God the summer before I met my Husband, Matt. Then God showed me what His best really looked like. I was way off...but His ways are so so so so the BEST.

If you want to read some of my story....check out this book

 Born 2 Be Different.

I am one of the contributors for the ladies version along with 13 other women. Each of us has a different life, a different background and a different story...but we all were called to be different and we all love God and serve Him. It's an awesome ministry and I am happy to be a part of it!

 

They said it couldn't be done

Well, this is a story all about how ("my life got twisted upside down"....no...not really)
This is a story about purity. A story without an end. A story that you don't hear very much.

I got married less than a month ago. I don't know everything about marriage, or being a wife. But I was a virgin all my life up until my wedding night...and that my friends, I do know about.

I kept my first kiss hidden away until my wedding day. If you were at my wedding, you saw me seal my covenant with my husband.

As rejoicing as people were to see me kiss my husband for the first time, people have not always been rejoicing with me on this journey. Before my wedding, not many people thought it could be done. I had a great circle of supporters cheering me on, but to the world I was living a fantasy. To the world, I was silly and naive. To the world, I couldn't possibly save my first kiss for my wedding day.

Well, world...YOU WERE WRONG!

THIS GIRL, DID!

All my life, I have been a very simple normal girl. I played sports, went to youth group, argued with my parents and had crushes on boys. The difference I had didn't really show until I became an adult. Guys who were interested in pursuing me didn't know what to think of my goals, and I think they were surprised I was still holding to them. For some reason, my generation has a habit of making goals and commitments and not sticking to them. It was hard for people to take me seriously when so many of my peers were already having sex by 16.

Leading up to becoming an adult I was made fun of and called naive and immature for not kissing until my wedding day. To this day there are Christian Authors who discourage talking about it because everyone thinks it's just too hard. The personae of purity is that it makes you a better person if you can say "no". But I disagree. Purity really has nothing to do with saying "no".

The character of purity stems from our Lord and Savior. He bears the character of purity. As believers, we strive to be like Him and in turn bear the same character over time. So just like choosing to love is not just choosing not to hate, love itself is isn't own thing. It is a character and an action. It exists whether it's counterpart does or does not.

Like love, purity exists by itself. It's it's own thing. So purity has nothing to do with saying no to something else. That's self-control. Purity has to be chosen, just like love does. We decide to be pure, which is a character of God. We decide to live a pure lifestyle, through the current life God has given us. How someone loves someone else may look different, and it's the same with purity. How someone is pure may look different. But there is only one TRUE love and one TRUE purity, and it comes from God. We measure love by Gods example, and we do the same with purity. Just like how love can have many different ways of expression like sacrifice, attention, words, acts, protection and care...purity has many different expressions too.

God's purity is that He is without sin, His thoughts aren't clouded, He has self-control, He can say no to things that aren't good, and He sees and says yes to good things. In the same way, purity does this. Purity sets a goal of being without sin. Purity looks for ways to not cloud our thoughts. Purity uses self-control. Purity has the power to say no to things that aren't good. Purity knows what is good and strives for it.

I saved my first kiss for my wedding day, because I didn't want to fall into sin and have sex before marriage. I didn't want my thoughts to become clouded by my physical desires and forget about my heart and spiritual health. I had to use a lot of self-control, and in that I had to say no to things I knew would lead me down a path that wasn't what I wanted. I also had to say yes to things that were good for me, like saving my first kiss.

Purity is a character, and that's why I write this to you today as a married woman who is still on the road of purity. I have to put on God's character to be a helper to my husband. I still have to use self-control and I still have to say no to things that aren't good for me. But I also get to say yes to a whole lot more things that are good for me. I am no longer a virgin in the sense of having sex and I have not sinned in my marriage bed. My husband and I consider ourselves still pure.

If you look in the dictionary one of the meanings of purity is: freedom from contamination.
Basically haven't been messed around with, defiled and made dirty. 
Have you been defiled? Are you contaminated? The awesome thing about God being pure is that He can make anyone pure who wants to be. God can erase sins and mess ups, but you have to want it. You have to want Him. He is the source. If you have Him you have access to all things Him. That's the only way I have been able to live the life I have, because of Him. I may have said no to a lot of things, but I faced so many temptations throughout my life, and sometimes I said yes to things that were not good for me, but God showed me how to recover.

Do you want freedom from contamination?

I don't know what God will call you to...and I can't say it would be to not kiss until your wedding day, that's up to God. And saving my first kiss was only a small part of all the ways He called me to be pure. There will be so many other things He will call me to do now that I am married, things that will be of His character and not mine. You may be married, but you are most certainly not beyond purity if you are God's child. You may have already had sex outside of marriage, but the story isn't over for you. You may be a young girl, but God may be calling you early to set your path for tomorrow. God's hands extend to the galaxy's...trust me, He can reach you. His son David sinned over and over and committed adultery and murder, but God never gave up on him. He's the same God today.

I don't know who needs to hear these words, I'm just following God's leading. I get nothing in this world out of sharing my heart on here, but if someone sees the truth and breaks free from sin and darkness...I rejoice with Heaven. Come home. God has always been here. He won't give up on you. His character can overflow on your life not matter your age or status. It's what you really want. Why wait? He may have an awesome chapter to write starting today...just give Him the book :)

Does it really matter?

It has begun. The chaos. The panicking. Is everything done? Will I look ok? Will everyone be happy? Will they remember our day?

Wedding prep can be the biggest stress of ones life. After all, it is the biggest party you will ever throw in your whole life.

As I began to feel my blood pressure rise and my head start pounding, I felt like I was going to explode! and this was all just this morning. haha.

Why am I so stressed? What is really different about this day? Who am I doing it for?

As I started to speak truth to myself, I remembered something. Something I posted in my last post here the other day. You see, this day isn't about me, or even our guests. We didn't do anything to make the marriage thing "cool"...we don't have a rep we have to uphold. We just really need to be us. Because we are not in control of the day. Much like we will not be in control of our marriage, or our life, or our money or where we live.

We are believers, we believe in the One True God who rules over everything and through Him everything has it's place. And we give Him the controller.

So why am I all stressed as if I need to hold this wedding up to some standard?

The truth is, I shouldn't be stressed. I am in disobedience by stressing right now.

Just like how I shouldn't be stressed looking for a mate and hoping I found the right one. I shouldn't look to take my wedding into my own hands as if I'm the one with the blue prints.

God carries all of the blue prints. They are safe with Him, and He set up a plan already in advance.

Hmmm...what a relief, right???

ORRRRR not. Because as much as it is a relief to have God handle everything and already have a plan...I often don't want someone else in control. And that is why I get stressed.

So why am I stressed?

Because I'm wrong.

I am not trusting God.

Even though He is the One who made this relationship happen in the first place and brought us to this point by providing Matt with a promotion at work, helping him buy our house, making it where my Dad could pay for the wedding, making it where my Dad is alive and able to walk my down the isle and giving those around us awesome gifts they have used for this wedding...even though He provided ALL that...I still am freaking out!

So I have to ask myself...does it really matter? When I only see a crumb of everything that God sees...does what I am stressing about really matter?

God is here. God is good. God is in this. We are doing this in accordance with His Word and through His leading. What else matters?

Do half the things we stress about really matter?

After ALL God does and has done for us...we are going to stress about something else acting as if He may not do something...when history tells us...He always does.

He's got this.

I am going to trust Him. :)

No One Told Me How This Would Be

Feeling like I'm stuck in this in between stage...I'm still a daughter and a sister at home, but my mind and heart are a few steps ahead for my own home. To organize and worry about my own place. To have a person I live with everyday who is not loyal by blood, but loyal by the covenant.

It's a very strange transition between the two. I still sleep in my room, on my bed, at Mom and Dads, but I know it is coming to an end. A forever end. Not just a sleep over or retreat away from home...but I'll live somewhere else every day.

No one talked about this stage. No one warned me.

I have so much connection and memories and comfort at Mom and Dads, but in 8 days...that will be my past. I'll only be coming to visit...and I'll be in a different town every day...away from them.

It's strange, this transition. Home has always been Mom and Dads...but that's going to change in one day. That day, that day I'll kiss my husband for the first time in my life. That day I'll commit my life to this man forever until I die. That day I'll be united to him forever (not even fully understanding what that looks like yet). That day I'll go to sleep in another bed, and I'll wake up next to a man. That day I become a wife. That day my obedience to God shifts to one man...as I serve and respect and honor him, I do it as onto The Lord. That day it is no longer about me or my dreams. That day it becomes about what God says for both of us together. There is nothing abnormal about this...it is actually exactly the way God designed it to be...a transition, for growing, to bring change...it's never comfortable, and most of the time we don't like it has humans, but it has to happen, and it is good.

In a matter of one day...I'll be living in the unknown. A territory I've never set foot into before that day. That day my life, my name, my status, my schedule and routine will all change.

That day.

No one told me how this would be. No one warned me about what it would be like, to leave everything I know, to be fully committed to a man I have only known a few years. My love for him is beyond time, time cannot measure it. My love for him is beyond the present satisfaction or desires, it's beyond myself. I don't even fully understand it.

Sometimes I don't understand how God can love me when I continually choose my way over His. When I get angry at Him for not doing things my way even though He's the One who sees everything and I only see a crumb. He still loves me even though I am the one who hung Jesus on the cross...it was my sin He was paying for even though He was sinless. I don't understand why He still loves me.

But I don't have to. Because I wasn't there when the galaxies were formed by His hand...



I wasn't there when he gave seeds life to grow and produce. I wasn't even there when he thought it all up.

So how can I love another human being on this earth? Another imperfect person who messes up just as much as I do and needs Jesus just as much as me? How can I?

Because I am God's masterpiece.

He created me to grow and learn and make choices that would make me into the person I am today, to bring me to the next chapter where I would not only grow to glorify Him more in my own life...but that through my selfless love for another person, I would reflect the perfect love he has for me. While God is very real and nothing is more wonderful than Him, our eyes deceive us here on earth and we forever chase our senses to try to find satisfaction. Marriage is a visual representation of God and His love for us. God knows we are driven by our eyes, and so He set up an example for us. Just as Jesus died on the cross for us, so a husband is called to give up his life and work hard for his wife. And just as we are called to follow Christ and His teaching, so a wife is called to follow, respect, love and honor her husband.

I knew that my whole life. I thought it was beautiful, and I wanted a marriage that reflected that. I knew how beautiful it could be because I know God, and I know Jesus.

Being so close to being married I have been thinking about how my life will be, and if I will reflect that. I feel so unworthy to be a reflection of God and His love, but for some reason He still gives us all a chance to show the world. Anyone can get married, but I know not everyone can be a reflection of God's love, especially if they don't know God's love or Jesus. But I do. And Matt does. And we both know what we are getting ourselves into.

This is a BIG DEAL. Marriage isn't just another thing to get done like getting your car washed. It is serious...it's God's thing. He owns the copyright. Maybe that's why the transition is so important. Maybe that's why it isn't easy. It's serious, and it affects the whole world. Because whether they know it or not...marriage is the one visual example God blessed us with so that we would understand the meaning of life, why we are here and what happens next. It's all about God, He created it, He keeps it going and He sets the way. The more people that have marriages that are a husband sacrificing and a wife respecting and supporting...the more people will know God and know Jesus.

I am honored to be the visual representation...because as much as I mess up, Matt will always sacrifice for me. And as much as Matt messes up, I will always honor, respect and support him. Not because we are perfect, but because God is, and He NEVER EVER gives up on us, and we are vowing to never give up on each other.

What I have learned so far...

Most Recently I have learned a lot, about who I am, what I really believe is really real, and how I feel about things. It has been a learning process with the Lord as He speaks little whispers to my heart. Some of which is learning when to not speak, rather than speaking up.

It has been a change, because I am very passionate about things. I emotionally attach myself to a lot of what I believe and do. But God is showing me the beauty of timing. "There is a time for everything" Ecclesiastes 3. I am finding some comfort in that I don't actually need to say something about everything someone says. I don't have to agree with everything someone shares or tells me, and I don't need to speak on everything I do or experience.

Maybe it is stemming from learning to be a wife, and my husband being my sound board that I lean on for everything. I keep nothing from him. Though we are only to be married in a month, God is forming our covenant a little bit at a time in our hearts. We are growing in such an awesome way towards each other as we rely on each other for support both emotional and spiritual. I am full with him and therefore I don't need to seek out other avenues of attention or praise, or even hearing my own voice. There has been a lot that has come across my path that makes me sick to my stomach, and makes me bawl my eyes out and aggravates me, but I say nothing.

But here, today, I am going to share a few things about what I have learned so far. With "growing up", in the process of getting married and following God's call...the learning hasn't stopped.

++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++

1) You can't make everyone happy...but you can love everyone unconditionally all the time.
Love is far different than happiness. Love lasts no matter the circumstances, happiness does not. Happiness is emotion based, circumstance based, and sometimes completely mood based. There is no way to make anyone who you love happy all of the time. No one can do that even for themselves.

2) Marry early. If God has brought the person He created for you, and He has told you that this is the one for you, and both of you have sought Him and His will and you have the prayerful support of those you trust who listen to the Lord and they agree with your commitment, don't wait to get married. There is no reason. Financial struggles will always be there, family issues won't go away before you get married and God has brought you together for a reason. Prolonging your relationship before marriage should only serve until you are at peace and confident that it is time to get married. Once God tells you it's time...do not wait. Waiting beyond that will only put you into deeper temptation and not benefit your natural desire for your spouse. The desire will grow whether you do anything about it or not. The desire is pure, good and right. Do not mix that up. God will provide, because He created it and knows it better than we do.

The time frame for each couple will vary. God will guide you on when is the right time. But be sure to listen to Him and take heed to not making it longer than it needs to be.

3) Have a wedding, not a fairy tale. The wedding is the first celebration/step on the journey of your marriage. No matter who attends, where it is held or what kind of decorations or food you have. It is yours to have, to make your own and to share with those you love. Focus on Family. Two families are being joined as you make your vows. It isn't just about you and your honey, it's about a covenant, one that effects everyone around you. There is too much Princess expectations out there. Life is more powerful and beautiful than a fairy tale. Take the time to be creative with your family and your spouse. If...you have a plan and vision in your head...paint the picture for everyone to know it. If...you don't have a vision or a plan...let the creative juices ooze from your family members as you give them "creative liberties" (this one is me, I didn't really have a plan). Above all, don't let anyone steal your joy. Satan hates weddings, and he especially hates christian ones that are made under God. He will use whatever means (even people you love who have good intentions) to pull you down, make you think you're crazy and ruin your day and planning.

If it's an issue of money. Do not let that stop you. I have seen friends have small weddings, and they are just as beautiful and thought out (they are actually even more personal and elegant and special). God will provide...not a huge to do...but enough for Him to be glorified.

4) Do not love money. Liking money and using it as a tool is a great way to be used by the Lord. But being used means it needs to...yes...BE USED. I grew up saving all the money I received. All the babysitting jobs I had, all the Christmas money and all the birthday money I had went right into the bank account I still own. All of that is my money and I worked for every cent. With it I bought half of my car, my own flat TV and a cool camera. None of it was given to me by my parents unless it was a gift for an occasion. I am proud of that money. But I also know it will disappear soon.

I had my first awakening and calling to this mindset about a year ago. I had a paycheck to deposit and a bunch of cash. I was on my way to the bank when my car broke down. It wouldn't start and I waited for the tow truck. After being towed my Mom took me to the bank, and we proceeded to do our errands. I got a call from the mechanic while I was shopping, the repairs were going to cost almost exactly as much as I HAD JUST DEPOSITED! I wrestled with my emotions for a while. I honestly wanted to cry. I was angry because I had plans for the money, but I was humbled because God clearing provided for my needs! That day I heard God's voice say to me "don't love money". 
Money belongs to God, and while we are to be good stewards of it...I often wonder...does God keep anything locked up for long periods of time and not use it? Not really. Everything He has He gives to us and shares, plus He gives WAY WAY more than we deserve...so shouldn't we do that with HIS money?

The perspective here is to not see using money as some horrible thing as if God isn't providing. I could have been angry with God and asked Him WHY He didn't provide for my car that day. I could have considered the money I JUST deposited as not to be used yet. I could have told God He needed to get on his miracle phone and call up something to take away the issues with my car. But God DID provide. And a miracle DID happen. If I was focused on the money, I would have missed the biggest lesson and the coolest miracle I ever had done to me. So don't love money. If you want to be used by God, and you consider the money you have to be God's money...He will USE it...meaning it will probably go away.

5) Husbands are not perfect. They are perfect for you, to make you Holy and into the person God wants you to be, not the person you want to be.
I have seen the arguments, even had some of my own. I have found that there is no way around marrying a human being if you are doing it God's Way. God's way is for a man and woman to make a covenant and be united until death to make each other holy, not happy. There is no Edward. And thank goodness there is no Christan Gray. There are men who will love you with passion when you respect them with loyalty. They will rise to your rescue if they know you won't tell them you can "take care of yourself". 
I have been the snapping woman, trying to "get my man right". And that didn't last long. I felt alone and just plain crazy.
God told me that I needed to trust Him by trusting this man He brought into my life.
So far, it gets better the more I trust. Even if I think he's wrong, I have to trust him. And God does some pretty cool things without me saying "I told you so".

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So these are the things I have learn recently.
I am sure I will have way more to share after April, because I'll be officially married.
Leave comments, leave advice. Share on Facebook, share with friends. :)

Black and White

(Was going to be a Facebook Post)

Lord, everyone is in pain. Heal this land Lord. Bring us back to our first Love. Break us if you have to. Stop the bashing on Facebook. People are so unkind even to those You send to share Your Truth. Remove the enemies schemes in twisting writings on here. Help us not to make presumptions! Help the believer to be protected as they share your true Love in a world of temporary insanity.

In a world and social media full of negativity and "don't judge me"..."don't read my post if you don't like it"..."this is the way I am"..."unfriending"...blaspheming the name of God all in the name of freedom...

I am going to say READ MY STATUS...COMMENT WHAT YOU WANT...I don't live by your rules. I don't even live by my own!!! If it were up to me I'd stay in sin, stay mad, stay bitter, say what I feel to those who have hurt me, and tell people they are stupid and shake them until they get it.

But lo' and behold....I have died to self. Everything with "me" on it is DEAD. It died on the cross....years and years ago.

So while you're reading this status of mine...I do have freedom of speech according to the world. But I do not live by the world...I live by the WORD! And it says I don't, because I should not turn from God, I should not deny Him, I should not stay in sin, I should not be hating, I should not disrespect others just because I'm hurt...it says I should forgive my brothers and sisters, it says to mind my own business so that my daily life may win the respect of my observers. It says...in BLACK and WHITE...what I should do...there are NO GRAY AREAS with God...it's follow or don't!

This is not about feelings...this isn't about judgement...this isn't about me...this is about God. He is here people...seeing our posts and reading our hearts...if we say we are believers in Him...our lives, attitudes and posts should reflect God more and more...it's isn't immediate...but we can't walk a road without taking the first steps...those first steps might be not posting hateful things towards someone...not expressing hurts in hope of getting patted on the back..."likes" do not mean anyone actually cares about our eternity...people want to be "liked"...but God has unconditional LOVE if we pick up our crosses (the struggle of flesh and Spirit) and follow Him.

We should use this social network for His glory and not our pride!

(No person gets it right everyday...but moving forward and making changes is how we walk a little closer to heaven. Feel free to private message me if you want to talk more about what God has to stay in His Word. I won't be talking about perspectives or feelings or "special circumstances for not obeying Gods Word"...Gods Word is good and if you feel the need to defend the way you are doing something when the Word of God says something different...you already know you're wrong. We hold onto sin and stroke it like the ring in Lord of the Rings...but just like the ring...it must be destroyed or it will destroy you. Many of the circumstances we face would be better if we tried the one thing we haven't yet...complete obedience, no exceptions.)

Everyone who lives on earth has pain

So something came across my Facebook about an entertainer...as I checked to see what's been going on with the entertainer through a seach engine, I was shocked.

Crazy things have been happening since the beginning of time, Cain killed Able...sin as been there. My heart breaks for girls who are so hurt and lost that they make matters worse by hurting their image, their bodies and really their whole lives. 

God can heal any scar, he can bring beauty to any mess. How I wish people would turn from their attempts to cover up their feelings. God created those feelings, He knows them well. And He is the one who wants us  to run to Him dirty and messed up, because His desire is for our good and He is the only one who can really change things. 

There is this rebellion that's toxic and spreads like a virus called pride. When we mess up, for some reason, a wave of emotions comes over us and we say "you know what I'm not going to let anyone judge me for this so I am going to tell them they can say what they want but I am going to be who I want to be and no one can say anything about it. This is who I am and I don't have to be ashamed" 

While it's true we are who we are and we shouldn't be ashamed...things like this come up only after someone who loves us for us and loves us enough to want good for us and not harm says something to encourage and help. Often times the true enemy who we are wanting to stop judging us is ourselves. The weight of guilt for decisions we've made cannot be undone by pride....pride makes it worse...because then we further mess up our integrity and our witness. While we are really trying to stop hating our own selves we end up pushing away those who really care, and we then see love as judgment because love believes the best in people...not just in what we currently are. Sometimes we confuse love from others as hate....because we are so wrapped up in the emotions from the one person who hates us the most and is most difficult to forgive....ourselves.

Everyone has messed up in some way...I don't care how it compares to someone else...it's there and we know it. But running from it, putting up walls, pushing away those who really care about our good, and being prideful is never ever going to give us relief.

I don't know what hurt caused this entertainer to be where she is today...and it doesn't matter because that's between her and God....but it's so sad that now along with the pain...her current image, and respect for herself and her body, and her life have been changed. God can heal anything...but the consequences of sin do not go away. People will remember this entertainers actions....not just because shes in the media's eyes...but because she is a person...a person with a face...a person with an image...a person with a body and a person wih a voice. 

Don't let pain define others view of you. We all have pain, and we shouldn't hide it...but people don't remember the pain we went through...they remember how we handled it and how we talked about it. Our witness isn't just what God does in our lives...it's a lot more about what we do in our own.

Don't let the toxic virus take you over.