It has begun. The chaos. The panicking. Is everything done? Will I look ok? Will everyone be happy? Will they remember our day?
Wedding prep can be the biggest stress of ones life. After all, it is the biggest party you will ever throw in your whole life.
As I began to feel my blood pressure rise and my head start pounding, I felt like I was going to explode! and this was all just this morning. haha.
Why am I so stressed? What is really different about this day? Who am I doing it for?
As I started to speak truth to myself, I remembered something. Something I posted in my last post here the other day. You see, this day isn't about me, or even our guests. We didn't do anything to make the marriage thing "cool"...we don't have a rep we have to uphold. We just really need to be us. Because we are not in control of the day. Much like we will not be in control of our marriage, or our life, or our money or where we live.
We are believers, we believe in the One True God who rules over everything and through Him everything has it's place. And we give Him the controller.
So why am I all stressed as if I need to hold this wedding up to some standard?
The truth is, I shouldn't be stressed. I am in disobedience by stressing right now.
Just like how I shouldn't be stressed looking for a mate and hoping I found the right one. I shouldn't look to take my wedding into my own hands as if I'm the one with the blue prints.
God carries all of the blue prints. They are safe with Him, and He set up a plan already in advance.
Hmmm...what a relief, right???
ORRRRR not. Because as much as it is a relief to have God handle everything and already have a plan...I often don't want someone else in control. And that is why I get stressed.
So why am I stressed?
Because I'm wrong.
I am not trusting God.
Even though He is the One who made this relationship happen in the first place and brought us to this point by providing Matt with a promotion at work, helping him buy our house, making it where my Dad could pay for the wedding, making it where my Dad is alive and able to walk my down the isle and giving those around us awesome gifts they have used for this wedding...even though He provided ALL that...I still am freaking out!
So I have to ask myself...does it really matter? When I only see a crumb of everything that God sees...does what I am stressing about really matter?
God is here. God is good. God is in this. We are doing this in accordance with His Word and through His leading. What else matters?
Do half the things we stress about really matter?
After ALL God does and has done for us...we are going to stress about something else acting as if He may not do something...when history tells us...He always does.
He's got this.
I am going to trust Him. :)
Wednesday, April 22, 2015
Friday, April 17, 2015
No One Told Me How This Would Be
Feeling like I'm stuck in this in between stage...I'm still a daughter and a sister at home, but my mind and heart are a few steps ahead for my own home. To organize and worry about my own place. To have a person I live with everyday who is not loyal by blood, but loyal by the covenant.
It's a very strange transition between the two. I still sleep in my room, on my bed, at Mom and Dads, but I know it is coming to an end. A forever end. Not just a sleep over or retreat away from home...but I'll live somewhere else every day.
No one talked about this stage. No one warned me.
I have so much connection and memories and comfort at Mom and Dads, but in 8 days...that will be my past. I'll only be coming to visit...and I'll be in a different town every day...away from them.
It's strange, this transition. Home has always been Mom and Dads...but that's going to change in one day. That day, that day I'll kiss my husband for the first time in my life. That day I'll commit my life to this man forever until I die. That day I'll be united to him forever (not even fully understanding what that looks like yet). That day I'll go to sleep in another bed, and I'll wake up next to a man. That day I become a wife. That day my obedience to God shifts to one man...as I serve and respect and honor him, I do it as onto The Lord. That day it is no longer about me or my dreams. That day it becomes about what God says for both of us together. There is nothing abnormal about this...it is actually exactly the way God designed it to be...a transition, for growing, to bring change...it's never comfortable, and most of the time we don't like it has humans, but it has to happen, and it is good.
In a matter of one day...I'll be living in the unknown. A territory I've never set foot into before that day. That day my life, my name, my status, my schedule and routine will all change.
That day.
No one told me how this would be. No one warned me about what it would be like, to leave everything I know, to be fully committed to a man I have only known a few years. My love for him is beyond time, time cannot measure it. My love for him is beyond the present satisfaction or desires, it's beyond myself. I don't even fully understand it.
Sometimes I don't understand how God can love me when I continually choose my way over His. When I get angry at Him for not doing things my way even though He's the One who sees everything and I only see a crumb. He still loves me even though I am the one who hung Jesus on the cross...it was my sin He was paying for even though He was sinless. I don't understand why He still loves me.
But I don't have to. Because I wasn't there when the galaxies were formed by His hand...
I wasn't there when he gave seeds life to grow and produce. I wasn't even there when he thought it all up.
So how can I love another human being on this earth? Another imperfect person who messes up just as much as I do and needs Jesus just as much as me? How can I?
Because I am God's masterpiece.
He created me to grow and learn and make choices that would make me into the person I am today, to bring me to the next chapter where I would not only grow to glorify Him more in my own life...but that through my selfless love for another person, I would reflect the perfect love he has for me. While God is very real and nothing is more wonderful than Him, our eyes deceive us here on earth and we forever chase our senses to try to find satisfaction. Marriage is a visual representation of God and His love for us. God knows we are driven by our eyes, and so He set up an example for us. Just as Jesus died on the cross for us, so a husband is called to give up his life and work hard for his wife. And just as we are called to follow Christ and His teaching, so a wife is called to follow, respect, love and honor her husband.
I knew that my whole life. I thought it was beautiful, and I wanted a marriage that reflected that. I knew how beautiful it could be because I know God, and I know Jesus.
Being so close to being married I have been thinking about how my life will be, and if I will reflect that. I feel so unworthy to be a reflection of God and His love, but for some reason He still gives us all a chance to show the world. Anyone can get married, but I know not everyone can be a reflection of God's love, especially if they don't know God's love or Jesus. But I do. And Matt does. And we both know what we are getting ourselves into.
This is a BIG DEAL. Marriage isn't just another thing to get done like getting your car washed. It is serious...it's God's thing. He owns the copyright. Maybe that's why the transition is so important. Maybe that's why it isn't easy. It's serious, and it affects the whole world. Because whether they know it or not...marriage is the one visual example God blessed us with so that we would understand the meaning of life, why we are here and what happens next. It's all about God, He created it, He keeps it going and He sets the way. The more people that have marriages that are a husband sacrificing and a wife respecting and supporting...the more people will know God and know Jesus.
I am honored to be the visual representation...because as much as I mess up, Matt will always sacrifice for me. And as much as Matt messes up, I will always honor, respect and support him. Not because we are perfect, but because God is, and He NEVER EVER gives up on us, and we are vowing to never give up on each other.
It's a very strange transition between the two. I still sleep in my room, on my bed, at Mom and Dads, but I know it is coming to an end. A forever end. Not just a sleep over or retreat away from home...but I'll live somewhere else every day.
No one talked about this stage. No one warned me.
I have so much connection and memories and comfort at Mom and Dads, but in 8 days...that will be my past. I'll only be coming to visit...and I'll be in a different town every day...away from them.
It's strange, this transition. Home has always been Mom and Dads...but that's going to change in one day. That day, that day I'll kiss my husband for the first time in my life. That day I'll commit my life to this man forever until I die. That day I'll be united to him forever (not even fully understanding what that looks like yet). That day I'll go to sleep in another bed, and I'll wake up next to a man. That day I become a wife. That day my obedience to God shifts to one man...as I serve and respect and honor him, I do it as onto The Lord. That day it is no longer about me or my dreams. That day it becomes about what God says for both of us together. There is nothing abnormal about this...it is actually exactly the way God designed it to be...a transition, for growing, to bring change...it's never comfortable, and most of the time we don't like it has humans, but it has to happen, and it is good.
In a matter of one day...I'll be living in the unknown. A territory I've never set foot into before that day. That day my life, my name, my status, my schedule and routine will all change.
That day.
No one told me how this would be. No one warned me about what it would be like, to leave everything I know, to be fully committed to a man I have only known a few years. My love for him is beyond time, time cannot measure it. My love for him is beyond the present satisfaction or desires, it's beyond myself. I don't even fully understand it.
Sometimes I don't understand how God can love me when I continually choose my way over His. When I get angry at Him for not doing things my way even though He's the One who sees everything and I only see a crumb. He still loves me even though I am the one who hung Jesus on the cross...it was my sin He was paying for even though He was sinless. I don't understand why He still loves me.
But I don't have to. Because I wasn't there when the galaxies were formed by His hand...
I wasn't there when he gave seeds life to grow and produce. I wasn't even there when he thought it all up.
So how can I love another human being on this earth? Another imperfect person who messes up just as much as I do and needs Jesus just as much as me? How can I?
Because I am God's masterpiece.
He created me to grow and learn and make choices that would make me into the person I am today, to bring me to the next chapter where I would not only grow to glorify Him more in my own life...but that through my selfless love for another person, I would reflect the perfect love he has for me. While God is very real and nothing is more wonderful than Him, our eyes deceive us here on earth and we forever chase our senses to try to find satisfaction. Marriage is a visual representation of God and His love for us. God knows we are driven by our eyes, and so He set up an example for us. Just as Jesus died on the cross for us, so a husband is called to give up his life and work hard for his wife. And just as we are called to follow Christ and His teaching, so a wife is called to follow, respect, love and honor her husband.
I knew that my whole life. I thought it was beautiful, and I wanted a marriage that reflected that. I knew how beautiful it could be because I know God, and I know Jesus.
Being so close to being married I have been thinking about how my life will be, and if I will reflect that. I feel so unworthy to be a reflection of God and His love, but for some reason He still gives us all a chance to show the world. Anyone can get married, but I know not everyone can be a reflection of God's love, especially if they don't know God's love or Jesus. But I do. And Matt does. And we both know what we are getting ourselves into.
This is a BIG DEAL. Marriage isn't just another thing to get done like getting your car washed. It is serious...it's God's thing. He owns the copyright. Maybe that's why the transition is so important. Maybe that's why it isn't easy. It's serious, and it affects the whole world. Because whether they know it or not...marriage is the one visual example God blessed us with so that we would understand the meaning of life, why we are here and what happens next. It's all about God, He created it, He keeps it going and He sets the way. The more people that have marriages that are a husband sacrificing and a wife respecting and supporting...the more people will know God and know Jesus.
I am honored to be the visual representation...because as much as I mess up, Matt will always sacrifice for me. And as much as Matt messes up, I will always honor, respect and support him. Not because we are perfect, but because God is, and He NEVER EVER gives up on us, and we are vowing to never give up on each other.
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