I had thought by now in my life I would be a traveling speaker. Or at least have one of my books written. As I look over my life, it maybe could have happened a few places, but I wasn't necessarily ready then. So here I am, still blogging...being a Mom now, my passions have not changed...they've just been put on the back burner...still burning with a fierce fire...but on the back no less.
I look around in today's world and often wonder which people are really being understood, which people can really share everything with someone...and which people are closed up inside thinking no one can handle their mess.
Oh boy, have I been there. I walked around many years never sharing my sin with anyone...and one friend took me aside one Wednesday night after Flood...and she gently listened to my story. After that it had been time to tell my Mom, and eventually I told a best friend. With each out pour of my heart, God did something with my mess. First He gave me a new goal...second He gave me freedom...then He gave me the ability to encourage someone else. Gradually He was using my sin to get work done. James 5:16
I was exposing my sin, and God was doing His work.
The enemy tried to silence me over and over, and even to this day tries to make me think I have nothing to say. But I am not here to be perfect, I am here to be real, and to be changed by God. Every one of us has sin...every single person...whether it's sexual sin, lying, gossip, bitterness, unforgiveness, greed, manipulation etc...we all have it. And it's rare that it ever goes completely away, because once you think it's gone, satan brings it back in a sneaky way and before you know it, there it is again. I am not saying this to be a Debbie Downer...I am saying this to be a True Testament.
Bitterness has been my recent sin...and man do I have to keep that in check. I have goals posted all around my house that say "no fear, no presumptions, no frustration" because there are just sometimes I can get so negative and complain about someone and PLOP, there is that deep dark root of bitterness wiggling his way down in me...and I have to sit down, and work on removing it before I let it grow bigger.
Gossip was something I used to fight too...I would hear one thing from a friend and unknowingly start telling someone's business to someone else...that sin was the hardest to get rid of...it can sneak up on you from other people's sin of gossip...because once Susie starts telling you what Mary did and said and blah blah blah and you're like "oh really, wow...I heard her say blah blah blah...I can't believe her" UGH STUPID SNEAKY SIN! So now I don't even entertain those conversations...I've worked too hard to be a peaceful, loving person...I don't have time for drama or gossip. Plus, don't you notice how yucky you feel after gossiping or being around drama...yeah, that's why it isn't good for us.
To this day God is so quick to show me how to uproot my sin so that I can find freedom. But it takes me sitting down and letting Him examine me...and letting Him expose it. Psalm 139:23-24, 2 Corinthians 10:3-6. Most of the time it hurts, because none of us want to see how bad we are...and then it normally leads to tears and pleading for forgiveness...that's when it get's good...no, I'm being serious...
The good part, is the ugly messy part...that's when (at least for me) I know freedom is in sight...because my body and my mind have now finally submitted to the Holy Spirit's call to change...and I'm completely humbled and literally laying at Jesus feet...knowing I am unworthy. And it is in that place...God fills me to overflowing. I still tear up thinking about how bad I have been, and how good He has been to me regardless. I would have given up on me a long time ago...but here I am...once again at His feet...and He graciously lifts my head and shows me mercy and love.
......
That's why it's so important to know Jesus...because you can't get that anywhere else.
"My sin was great...Your love was greater"
"What can separate us now?"
"What a wonderful name it is, the name of Jesus Christ my King"
"Nothing compares to this"
Don't live another day by the weight of your sin...or the sneaky ways of the enemy...you can let it go...you can change...yeah it might be brought up again...yeah you might have to be careful...but there is someone who can handle all your mess...because no mess is too messy to not be covered by the Blood of Jesus...
"No room for fear...no room for fear...perfect love is living here"
Wednesday, July 19, 2017
Thursday, July 13, 2017
We All Need a "Mom's Night Out"
If not in the form of an actual outing with girl friends...we need the realization of our purpose, like the movie so importantly highlights.
In watching the movie "Mom's Night Out" today with my husband, I began to come to tears as I saw the character face her stresses of the day, because that is so me right now. I can so relate. There are many things in my life that are kind of upside down, and I am not really sure when, if ever, they'll level out. A big thing has been my relationships. While my family unit with my husband is there, some of my surrounding extended family and friendships have shifted, some of which have me perplexed. I knew becoming a Mom would bring on many changes in my life, but there were some securities I never thought in a million years would ever change. There are people who I never would have thought would not be active in my life or my child's life. And I am not even talking about my parents who moved across the country, they're not even physically here and they are one the biggest supporters for me, they invest in my son almost every day. It's cool when you can truly rely on your parents for that, even from across the country. I know I am very blessed by that. But I find that because of other relationships changing, I have had to find who I am again.
The other day, I realized, I hadn't really looked at my son...I hadn't given myself the opportunity to really watch him, and let my brain accept the fact that he really is my son. I hadn't given myself time to reason that in my mind. My brain has been so busy since becoming a Mom (really since becoming pregnant because that is when my research exploded!). I have not slowed down to really think about it. And over the past few days, the more I thought, the more I realized I feel like I have lost who I am. And I needed to find myself again, not in any particular way...just inwardly.
When we experience many life changes on top of one another without fully processing them, we can tend to go into survival mode. We turn off emotions, we don't think beyond action, and we become numb. The longer we leave those big changes unaddressed, the more opportunity we leave for bitterness to grow. And that can be one of the hardest things to uproot once it grows.
I don't think I have been facing complete survival mode, maybe more like Mommy mode 24/7 with no lunch break and no vacations! Ha! Because let's face it, we don't get breaks...if we aren't physically with our kids...we are mentally with our kids. Right?? We talk about needing a break...but we can't stand to be away from our kids! And then we feel crazy! (I guess this helps us understand God's crazy love for us!)
It's hard. Being a Mom is hard. Loving is hard. But we are doing it. And yeah, we need to remember who we are, tap into Jesus for our slight identity crisis and maybe actually look at ourselves in the mirror. Because we are people. No one can be a Mom to our kids better than us. They need us. And we are qualified for the job. They love us. They appreciate us. Even though they don't know how to say it. Our arms are their comfort. They know we love them.
So...with that being said. We can put on our oxygen mask, while still adequate putting on theirs too. We can read that book during nap time, even though the guest room is a mess. We can fall asleep holding them in our arms, while the dishes sit in the sink. And we can remember who we are while still being a great Mom.
We can do it, because God does it for us all day, every day. And His strength will get us through. His Spirit will guide us. His wisdom will not fail us. And His love will keep holding us up.
We can do all things, by seeking God's truth even when things feel upside down.
(Every time I sit to write my blogs, I come in with a heavy heart from a lesson God is currently teaching me. And through typing, God speaks to me and convicts me. I need lots of help from Him. I'm just an average every day person trying to do good in this life like everyone else. I'm only sharing my lessons. I don't have all the answers. I don't know everything. So thanks for joining me on my journey.)
In watching the movie "Mom's Night Out" today with my husband, I began to come to tears as I saw the character face her stresses of the day, because that is so me right now. I can so relate. There are many things in my life that are kind of upside down, and I am not really sure when, if ever, they'll level out. A big thing has been my relationships. While my family unit with my husband is there, some of my surrounding extended family and friendships have shifted, some of which have me perplexed. I knew becoming a Mom would bring on many changes in my life, but there were some securities I never thought in a million years would ever change. There are people who I never would have thought would not be active in my life or my child's life. And I am not even talking about my parents who moved across the country, they're not even physically here and they are one the biggest supporters for me, they invest in my son almost every day. It's cool when you can truly rely on your parents for that, even from across the country. I know I am very blessed by that. But I find that because of other relationships changing, I have had to find who I am again.
The other day, I realized, I hadn't really looked at my son...I hadn't given myself the opportunity to really watch him, and let my brain accept the fact that he really is my son. I hadn't given myself time to reason that in my mind. My brain has been so busy since becoming a Mom (really since becoming pregnant because that is when my research exploded!). I have not slowed down to really think about it. And over the past few days, the more I thought, the more I realized I feel like I have lost who I am. And I needed to find myself again, not in any particular way...just inwardly.
When we experience many life changes on top of one another without fully processing them, we can tend to go into survival mode. We turn off emotions, we don't think beyond action, and we become numb. The longer we leave those big changes unaddressed, the more opportunity we leave for bitterness to grow. And that can be one of the hardest things to uproot once it grows.
I don't think I have been facing complete survival mode, maybe more like Mommy mode 24/7 with no lunch break and no vacations! Ha! Because let's face it, we don't get breaks...if we aren't physically with our kids...we are mentally with our kids. Right?? We talk about needing a break...but we can't stand to be away from our kids! And then we feel crazy! (I guess this helps us understand God's crazy love for us!)
It's hard. Being a Mom is hard. Loving is hard. But we are doing it. And yeah, we need to remember who we are, tap into Jesus for our slight identity crisis and maybe actually look at ourselves in the mirror. Because we are people. No one can be a Mom to our kids better than us. They need us. And we are qualified for the job. They love us. They appreciate us. Even though they don't know how to say it. Our arms are their comfort. They know we love them.
So...with that being said. We can put on our oxygen mask, while still adequate putting on theirs too. We can read that book during nap time, even though the guest room is a mess. We can fall asleep holding them in our arms, while the dishes sit in the sink. And we can remember who we are while still being a great Mom.
We can do it, because God does it for us all day, every day. And His strength will get us through. His Spirit will guide us. His wisdom will not fail us. And His love will keep holding us up.
We can do all things, by seeking God's truth even when things feel upside down.
(Every time I sit to write my blogs, I come in with a heavy heart from a lesson God is currently teaching me. And through typing, God speaks to me and convicts me. I need lots of help from Him. I'm just an average every day person trying to do good in this life like everyone else. I'm only sharing my lessons. I don't have all the answers. I don't know everything. So thanks for joining me on my journey.)
Friday, January 6, 2017
Motherhood: A Grateful Heart
We all need encouragement as we navigate our own motherhood story. There are many blogs, devotionals and pages that offer inspiration, ideas, scriptures and stories. This post may just disappear into the mix of them. But I'm typing none the less...because someone may read it and if they are encouraged, it's a better day.
Beyond the spit up and poopy diapers, repeating instructions and cleaning up messes...we are still us. We are a daughter, a sister, a wife and a friend. Our name isn't just Mommy though it is the best title we will ever have. We need community and we need Jesus.
No matter where we are in life, even if you right now aren't a wife or Mom, we all still need Jesus. We need Him as long as we live this life...because this life throws so many distractions at us...some are important things...but none bring us our purpose of life. We start each day stressed about time, then we check our bank account and get stressed about money, then we see others and a jealous thought flashes by, and we come home to being tired and worn out just wanting to shut our eyes and turn off our brain. That is day in and day out how most of us live. But God lifts our eyes to see the bigger picture. While we still need to go about those things, He gives us something we can't attain on our own...a grateful heart. And the awesome thing about Jesus is you don't have to have everything together in order to come to Him!
Having a grateful heart isn't just merely saying "thank you"...it's an attitude. It opens our hearts to see the current blessings and opens our eyes to what is most important. Loving Jesus and loving people is the only thing that will always bring us good things. And when we give love we then received love better.
I have had many times in my life where I have filled my days with busyness only to feel lonely. I have compared myself to others and harbored jealousy and bitterness.
As a Mom I can't be that person...it wouldn't be good for my son, or my husband or our home. I want a home full of peace and love...one that is intentional thoughtful and full of life...and I don't need to do everything everywhere in order to be that way. I invest in the most important things and let God show me what is really worth my time that won't be in the way of me loving Him and loving people.
We all have different lives, different interests and different personalities. But we can all agree you can never go wrong with having a Grateful Heart. 💖
Beyond the spit up and poopy diapers, repeating instructions and cleaning up messes...we are still us. We are a daughter, a sister, a wife and a friend. Our name isn't just Mommy though it is the best title we will ever have. We need community and we need Jesus.
No matter where we are in life, even if you right now aren't a wife or Mom, we all still need Jesus. We need Him as long as we live this life...because this life throws so many distractions at us...some are important things...but none bring us our purpose of life. We start each day stressed about time, then we check our bank account and get stressed about money, then we see others and a jealous thought flashes by, and we come home to being tired and worn out just wanting to shut our eyes and turn off our brain. That is day in and day out how most of us live. But God lifts our eyes to see the bigger picture. While we still need to go about those things, He gives us something we can't attain on our own...a grateful heart. And the awesome thing about Jesus is you don't have to have everything together in order to come to Him!
Having a grateful heart isn't just merely saying "thank you"...it's an attitude. It opens our hearts to see the current blessings and opens our eyes to what is most important. Loving Jesus and loving people is the only thing that will always bring us good things. And when we give love we then received love better.
I have had many times in my life where I have filled my days with busyness only to feel lonely. I have compared myself to others and harbored jealousy and bitterness.
As a Mom I can't be that person...it wouldn't be good for my son, or my husband or our home. I want a home full of peace and love...one that is intentional thoughtful and full of life...and I don't need to do everything everywhere in order to be that way. I invest in the most important things and let God show me what is really worth my time that won't be in the way of me loving Him and loving people.
We all have different lives, different interests and different personalities. But we can all agree you can never go wrong with having a Grateful Heart. 💖
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)